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i got teary-eyed reading this notes from my friend. uwaaaaa..


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yerp, the closer it gets the dead you are. scary but true, tp mmg kene tabahkn hati & kuatkn semangat! you are lucky to hv your husband with you and i'm sure he's doing a good job at making sure your sanity is in check...

I tau we are doing different fields, so mmg xadil if i said i know how u feel, but i'm here to just share you my experience...

when you felt like you're hitting the wall, i.e. gantung diri, suffocating in all those journals, results,analysing data, labwork...) try step back, and do something else skejap just to let your mind off with the project (ntahla, maybe like tgk tv ke, shopping ke, masak ke, movies ke...) make yourself feel better, then sit down and look at what you dh buat, make a list and things you still hv to do...as for me, if i do my work dlm keadaan bengang, penat, pening, geram...mmg xkemananye my work, so i try to make myself happy/better first, then sambung balik....sort of like taking short breaks for yourself.

tp mmg the closer it gets to the finish line, you really just have to hang in there, and what's left in you is your perseverence, how much you need this, as much as you hate this whole process, you have no choice but to get through with this, yes, that's the ugly truth, but once you dh submit, once all of this is over, you can look back and be proud of yourself for you had made it through.

try tell yourself, you made it this far, and you are like so close to finishing all of this, so don't give up! just don't give up! mmg when i did mine, 3 months to go, still got labwork to do, then a month to go, and i felt like i was like a walking zombie! everytime rase nk mcm baik mati je, tp i pk if i stop now, then all of this will be just a waste of time shj & to prove to my supervisor then she's wrong about my capabilities (yerp, i did hd a few dramas with my supervisor), that  kept me going...it wasn't a wonderful ride, but i just hv to keep on going.

sorry la mbebel la pulak, i know maybe you've heard hundreds of the same stories from other ppl, tp happy to know that you are so close to the finishing line...plus, mase nk hantar to pulak, tetibe i rase mcm berkobar2 lak semangat anak melayu...hehe. poyos je kn? =) so, chin up, gurl! you can do this!  

take care,
xxxxxxxx


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what algorithm?

Achievement seems to be connected with action. Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.

~Conrad Hilton ~

I am currently at the lowest point my life, the lowest point ever there is not even a room to go further down

and if i can plot a graph for what i am feeling right now, it might reach a negative infinity with no sign of stopping

i don't need an encouraging words nor supports from anyone

because words and support won't be able to solve my problem, won't be able to solve my algorithms

why it has to be so fucking hard? 

why it has to be so damn complicated?

fine, i know there is always an answer to everything

but, i am at a deadend

i need a guidance and nobody is giving me that

my supervisor has been everything but helpful

all he keeps saying is.. "usaha sendiri, bace buku bla.. bla.. bla.."

for god sake, i have been reading books and journals and papers

i have downloaded as many papers as i can from the internet

i have been reading thousand times and i have scribbled on thousand papers

but i still don't know how to do it

i am still stuck and it is not even 1% of the whole project

how am i gonna finish everything in 3 bloody months?
i can't even sleep well at night because i know when i wake up i have wasted the day before doing nothing
and every time i open my eyes it brings me closer to april
i wish i can freeze the time but even if i can, there is nothing i can do 
except to just stare blankly at the monitor or at the papers and scribble some crappy equations with an empty mind

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.

.

.

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.

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i need someone like dr. charlie eppes

ketika cinta bertasbih

Bertuturlah cinta
Mengucap satu nama
Seindah goresan sabdamu dalam kitabku
Cinta yang bertasbih
Mengutus Hati ini
Kusandarkan hidup dan matiku padamu

Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik resah
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit

Ketika Cinta bertasbih Nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud sukur padamu atas segala cinta

other than tercipta untukku, i think this song makes a perfect wedding song too, kan?

pasti sangat sweet & menitiskan air mata.. :)

random

1. tomorrow is my first day at work after two months plus of being a full-time housewife. i am shit scared, no. i am shit nervous? i have 2 weeks before lectures begin and have no idea what subject(s) will i be teaching. aihhhh..

2. i was very sure before that i wanted to be a lecturer.. and Alhamdulillah, Allah made me one.. and today which is apparently a day before i am about to start working, i think i am no longer 100% sure about my decision.. boleh? my classmates were discussing about becoming professional engineers (PE) and most of them are on their way of becoming one.. and me? i am no where close in fact i am drifting away.. i remembered being so ambitious about getting my IR when i first graduated but as time goes by the thought somehow found its way to the back of my mind.. i forgot because i was busy aiming for my doctorate degree.. but NOW, after having so many "roadblocks" in completing my master's final project i would rather not think about furthering my studies, yet.. so in conclusion, i am far from being neither an IR nor a DR.. sighhh..

3. i almost cried in front of my uniten lecturer last week.. i went to see him because i thought he could help me with my final project since my sv is so far away in skudai.. but my mind is so dead i couldn't even understand a word he was saying, i am totally deadmeat, man.. i have less than 3 months to complete my project together with thesis-writing and i haven't even got started.. how worse can it be? 3 semesters with almost a perfect cgpa, i thought my master's journey will be smooth sailing but no.. nothing comes easy, right? 

4. total price ticket to melbourne is rm915 and to perth is RM713.. yayyy.. at least there IS something to cheer me up these days.. 

5. yuna rocks! and i love my husband :)

hello 2010

hope it ain't too late to wish everyone a very happy new year.. :)
my resolution for 2010? to live a debt-free life.. insyaAllah
i have been living creditcard-less for the past one year and i survived
which is a very good achievement considering the fact that i used to have 3 credit cards at a time with more than half credit limit usage each (ughhhh!!)


i welcomed 2010 with a new spirit and a new job!
i have secured myself a job as a lecturer at a private university in kuala lumpur
Alhamdulillah.. Allah answered my prayers
but now i am a little bit nervous because i am afraid i can't be a good one.. huhu
i'm afraid i won't be able to answer my student's questions.. adoii.. mati la.. 

anyway, with that job now my husband and i are planning to go one step further
no, not a baby.. we are still trying (though not very hard.. hahahaha.. :p)
we want to have a house of our own but with the ever-increasing price finding one is not easy
so, anyone who reads this and know any of 2-storey house perhaps 22x80 or maybe 20x70 at a convenient location, please let me know okkay?
price below rm350k.. thaaaaank you..