so what...

..if i am a local graduate?

i just don't understand why some.. well.. most people actually suke double standard org2 yg graduate overseas.. i mean, what makes them better than us, the local graduate? i am not blaming those graduates but i am blaming org2 yg men-double standard kn mereka2 ini.. just because they got a chance to study abroad does NOT mean they are more clever than us, the local graduate..

do you know that i got 9A's for my SPM and that i was offered by FOUR organizations to further study oversea? see.. i am not stupid.. but i rejected the offerS because my mom did not allow me (and my brother, too) to go abroad.. no matter how teruk i cried at that time.. so i chose uniten which apparently a LOCAL university.. and again was offered 2 scholarships by 2 different BIG companies..

at times, rase amat terhina to see that face whenever i mentioned i am from uniten/utm.. as if, duhh, local je.. rase mcm, huh.. knape bile someone ckp diye grad from UK (for example) people would go.. wahh.. mesti hebat ni.. kenape? nk kate those graduates ckp english gempak, mcm ramai je yg lintang pukang.. and bersepah je my friends yg local grad ckp english much much much better.. so what makes them BETTER than the local grad? kenape, kenape perlu double standard?

anyway, soalan tersebut masih remain unanswered.. sbb itu la mentaliti kebanyakan rakyat malaysia.. asal pergi oversea je konfem gempak, hebat, genius etc.. tp tkpe, since i can't change that fact, maka, marilah sambung belajar di oversea utk Ph.D supaya org tk pandang rendah kt kite.. :)

i am..

..officially graduated from UTM with a Master in Engineering (Electrical Power)
phewwww.. the ceremony was ok but i think i prefer my bach. degree graduation in uniten better because it was more formal walaupun tkde royal family.. for example: in uniten we were not allowed to clap hands until the last name being announced so suasana mcm senyap sunyi and org boleh focus kt people receiving scroll on stage.. and time dpt tepuk tu mmg tepuk gile2 sbb puas hati smpi nk menitik air mate terharu etc.. tp kt utm, kene tepuk utk each and everyone so jd tk best sbb after a few names, org dh malas nk tepuk and bunyi pn dh tk sedap.. kelepet kelepet cmtu and by the time the last name dh tkde perasaan ape2.. so nothing special.. even mase queue nk naik stage pn smue org bercakap2 so tk rase formal and to me rase tk best..

tapiiiiiii.. the best thing was.. mase i was waiting for my turn and my name was being announced, baby A.M kicked really hard and sumpah mata gluk2 tibe2.. i know i was just being emotional.. she didn't even know what happen outside tp mungkin sbb terkejut ade bunyi kuat but still.. sumpah rase terharu.. being on stage receiving ur scroll with ur baby!! it was priceless!!

anyway, i still tk puas hati sbb grad fees mahal and majlis biasa2 aje.. hehe.. tk dtg pn tk apo sbenarnye.. btw, my SV called me after the ceremony and asked.. "so bile nk sambung Ph.D?".. i was like adoi.. tk smpi sejam grad master dh tny bile nk sambung Ph.D.. huhu.. but then, of course la i do have a plan.. at least before i turn 30 which is another 3 years time.. tp husbter isn't convinced enuff.. afraid i couldnt stand the pressure.. research master pn dh macam org gile apetah Ph.D kn.. tp i know i want to do it and it MUST be sumthing related to nuclear engineering cume i don't know where and when..

p/s: i didn't get the best student award for my course.. frust nyer.. if it wasn't for that 3 subjects with B+.. i shud have graduated with 4 flat!!!!!!!!!!!

jiwa kosong

raya means nothing to me this year.. i felt totally, completely empty and at lost.. i didn't bother to take even one photo pn.. lemang didn't taste that good.. nothing seems right.. i mean, tk mcm raya langsung except for the new baju kurung and that was it.. i was just totally not in the mood at all.. so, coming back to office on the 5th day of syawal adelah bukan satu masalah besar langsung and how i wish for the raya holiday to end even sooner..

anyway, nonetheless, i hope it ain't too late to wish everyone a selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin..

monthly check up!

pic googled

so we went for the 7 months check up when i was already 29 weeks pregnant
it was just a brief meeting with the doctor.. less than 10 minutes
we did the 3D scan and she asked whether i got problem or not
i told her about the pain and she said it's normal
well, i already asked my friend about it actually (thanx dr. fazlin! will keep bothering u.. :D.. )
and i only found out today that the pain is called loose pelvic ligament or something like that.. it hurts ok.. sampai rase mcm nk terduduk but then i keep telling myself that beranak itu lagi saket maka ok la.. boleh tahan.. huhu

anyway, again this time baby A.M didn't give much cooperation
she hid her face behind her hands and when the doctor touched my belly she turned the other way round.. but then bile doctor suruh lie on my side, tadaaaaa.. we could see the face almost clearly..! and she was drinking at that time.. mulut gerak2 OMG rase terharu and nk nanges tgk ade SOMEONE inside my tummy.. huhu.. anyway, she is one SUPER DUPER chubby baby ok.. seres pipi amattttt bulat and.. ehemmm.. she looks like me (so far la.. hehe) hopefully,warna kulit pn ikut mummy.. hehehehe.. peace hubster.. :p

but when the doctor captured her in 3D she was moving so the pic was a bit blurry but everyone said she is smiling in that picture.. sukeeeeeeeeee.. :).. and we have to wait for the 8 months check up kate doctor in order to get a clearer picture of her.. so, in 3 weeks time, mummy & daddy will see u again ok sweetheart.. :).. next check up is scheduled on 28th of sept.. and that will mark my 8th month of pregnancy.. ouchhh.. sudah tidak lame.. huhu

oh deyyymnn

... one of my solid reason for not attending the convo ceremony is because i don't want to spend rm250 just for the fee alone.. minus the travelling cost and what not.. no i am not that stingy but the fact that i have to splurge almost 1K for the sake of having my photo taken on the stage ade lah tidak berbaloi.. what with the ceremony yg 2 weeks after raye and my edd which is less than 2 months away after the convo.. banyakkk lagi duit nk gune.. yes, to me the photo is not thaaat important, what is more is the certificate itself which can just be posted to me by the uni, or so i thot..

so with the idea of not going for the convo,i was happily planning on buying the 'final' stuff for my baby i.e. car seat, baby bouncer and baby carrier.. and with the bonus coming in just at the rightest time, i was even much more happier sbb ade duit extra so boleh membeli belah sebanyak sedikit lebih utk baby..

tapi, angan2 ku musnah pagi ini selepas dpt tahu that the rm250 adelah wajib di bayar.. maka, selepas di timbang tara (?!!) i decided to just go for the ceremony lagi pn kesian jugak dekat my mom.. mesti nk tgk anak diye ambik scroll smue tu kn eventhough yours truly tkde perasaan pn.. maka, segala cita2 utk bershopping tamat di sini saje..

as a conclusion, siape2 yang membace, dan berniat nk menghadiahkn barang baby utk baby A.M, boleh pilih option di bawah:

a) bright starts musical pretty in pink baby bouncer (tk mahal.. rm199 je.. hehe)
b) mothercare 2-way baby carrier (lagi tk mahal.. rm120 je)

hahahaha..

tp mungkin ade hikmah di sebalik smue ni.. since baby A.M akan same2 naik pentas dgn mummy nye nnt mase amek scroll, mungkin akan bagi semangat utk jadi rajen belajar bile dh besar dan ikut jejak mummy amek master.. aminnnnnnn.. :)..

a long one..

yay.. raya leave has been approved meaning i have only 2 more working days before i am off to kampung halaman on monday night.. i can't wait for the day to come a bit faster not because of hari raya but because i am too lazy to drag my heavy ass to the office.. i am looking forward for the holiday not the celebration because to me personally raya is just.. another ordinary day.. maybe a little extra ordinary with the solat sunat, food etc.. but what i'm trying to say is that honestly i don't fancy hari raya since i don't know when.. perhaps after arwah wan left us and most of my cousins (yours truly included) settled down and have their own family.. so like, no more family gathering the night before raya at wan's house, no more masak lemang & rendang beramai2, tour wajib to the last pasar ramadhan a day before raya with cousins or melantak sup tulang tgh mlm, main mercun.. or sebenarnye bunga api je (itu pn one of my pakcik dh bising bahaye etc2..), and bersesak2 carik port untuk tido and many2 more.. those memories are definitely will be missed because things have totally changed these days..

raya is no more meriah.. especially this year.. what more with husband only coming back on the first day of syawal so there will be just me and mom at home.. totally nothing to look forward to.. bought two boxes of f!r3crack3rs but i am not sure whether i will even be opening the box.. mungkin sedekah kt anak2 jiran je nnt itu pn if they are around and tk balik kg..

the only thing that i am looking forward to is perhaps the fooooood! since i doubt i can celebrate hari raya haji as my EDD is on 20th nov.. so, this is the time to jolap all the dagingggggssss rendang, lemang, nasi impit.. u name it.. and with the bulging tummy i will not have to worry perut buncit sbb kekenyangan ke ape.. yay!!! sedap nye lemang panas yg lembik2 sket tu mkn dgn rendang ayam/daging.. and mom's nasi impit dgn kuah kacang yg pedas tu mkn skali dgn rendang.. :D

anyway, off to another topic.. my 7 months check up will be this saturday.. i am scheduled to have that tetanus injection wutever it is.. i personally requested to have it eventho the doctor mentioned nothing during the last visit but now i have a second thot because i don't like the after effect.. org ckp tgn kebas la, extra lesu la, etc2.. it's ramadhan and i am already a little extra lesu and what with the injection nnt jadi super lesu.. ishhh.. but then, y do i have to listen to what others cakap2 kn..

.....!

sumthing is definitely bothering me
but i won't tell a thing here because nobody will understand
and even if they do, they might interpret it wrongly

as much as i want to let it out, i can't, i just can't
i have many hearts to take care of
but i don't know how much longer can i survive
it's getting heavier to carry each passing day

dear Allah, please give me strength :(