biggest mistake

i have just realized that through out my 26 years of living, i've wasted at least 3 biggest opportunities in my life. at the moment it happened, i never thot i was wrong, i was so happy i made the decision, but as i go along, and look back, i have to admit that i'm regretting every single moment of it.

1. for not furthering my studies in UTP.

2. for rejecting the scholarship from MALAKOFF. one of the highest paid organization in power industry. yes, i was among the only 4 students in the whole uniten to be offered the scholarship and i DECLINED! the HR called me twice to confirm and i was so firm with my decision at that time. stupid eh?! if i just accepted the offer, i am pretty sure that by now, i can drive one of my dream car.. :(

3. for rejecting the PTD offer. everyone wants it so badly, some even go for the exam several times. but me? i only took the exam ONE time, i passed the assessment ONE time, only the interview, i had to go two times.. but still, i got accepted.. but being very stupid i DECLINED! why? because i thot i was sOoo good.. i thot i have sacrificed so much to get my engineering degree and to end up working in admin environment is so not worth it.. that was what i think at thaaaaat very moment.. and now i regret it.. what's wrong with working in admin when the pay is good, right.. what is wrong with working in any area not-related to your degree? the only thing that is wrong is ME.. yes, it's ME..

i keep making wrong decisions and regretting each one if it.. i think that is why Allah took back my rezeki.. because He gave me so much and i never took it.. so He took back all i have in order to give me a lesson.. :(

how do i redeem myself back..?

positive! yes, positive!

i am feeling rather positive today
no, i am not pregnant, yet
the test gave me a negative result last night
yes, i was impatient, very in fact, that was why i cheated
i tested a day before my period is due
but it is written on the box that i can test at least 3 days earlier
so, i think the result was valid
i am not pregnant
so, perhaps i will be getting my period either today or tomorrow

back to the story
why am i being very positive today?
no, not because my project report is done
i am still stuck with the simulation
and still have no idea where i am heading to

and definitely not because my assignment is done
i still have 7 questions to solve
and still have 2 chapters to revise before my test this Sunday
so, what makes me very positive today?
hehe..

it is the cars! the cars that i saw at the staff parking lot today
funny eh?
but seriously, seeing those cars somehow rises up my spirit
one is a blue convertible compressor (izzit?!) that belongs to a very2 young DR
another one is a blue audi that belongs to a 34-years old Associate Professor
another one is a gold civic that belongs to a very young, very pretty, very2 intelligent lecturer
another one is a silver mazda RX* (i forgot the model) that belongs to a very young DR as well

realize something?
the emphasize on the luxury cars AND the title?
i don't really bother about the luxury car actually (tho i have been talking about cars! demm)
but i do bother about the TITLE!
yes i am freaking jealous to see people getting a PhD at a very young age!
how on earth they do it?
getting a PhD before the age of 30 and yet still enjoying their life?
that is what i call a perfect life.. very2 perfecto!

and here i am, full with spirits but in the midst of writing a blog
instead of completing my work and assignment!
lalalala..
anyway, i am 26 and will be finishing my masters next year, at the age of 27
so i STILL have time like 3 years before i turn 30
hence, i still have time to make my dream comes true
i.e. to get a PhD by the age of 30
or if i cannot get it in 3 years time
i hope i will be on my way, at least
so, yes.. now i have a reason to live
now i have a reason to wake up every morning

i will be getting my PhD before i turn 30
i will, and i WILL
if those people can do it, why CAN'T i, right?!
i have the brain.. i know it.. i am not showing off
but i know i have the brain
i know if i set my mind to do something, i will do it
i am just lack of motivation and lately i keep losing focus
that is why..
so now, i have the motivation and am trying hard to focus
so, please pray for me people..
please pray hard for me..
thank you..

p/s: congrats AIDELIA SHAUKI for officially becoming an ACCA affiliate today (after yearsssss of trying! hehe..)

...

1. i am at the lowest-est point of my life. assignments, test, project report are undoubtedly the biggest contributors to the situation. I was staring at the assignment questions with an empty mind, the questions were very difficult, it takes at least 3 pages and hours to solve merely one question and there will be 4 questions to be answered during the one-hour test next week, and that was when it hit me hard. why do i have to go through all this shits? why do i have to suffer the pain and yet still get nothing in return? why do some people never have to do all those things yet still enjoy the luxury of life? why am i not like those people? why do i have to learn everything the hard way? i know, there is always a light at the end of every tunnel. but what if my tunnel is too long and i do not have time to reach the end?

2. my period is due this Wednesday. husband already bought a pregnancy test kit for me and i can't wait to try. period, please don't come. i want to get pregnant. i want to have a reason to be happy. i want to have a reason to wake up every morning.

3. i got an email from *** regarding my job application. please, please give me the job. i need it badly. i need it since forever. it has always been my dream since the first day i started my degree. so, please ya Allah, let me have the job.

update

i am moving slowly through life these past few days

i ditched work yesterday because i found no point in coming

when the only thing i will do after failing the dynamic simulation after several times of trying is facebook-ing

and thanx to an old friend of mine, miya for updating the photos

at least, it gives me reasons to laugh and be happy at work.. :)

boo hooo.. boringggggg.. 

i am at the 3rd week of preparing my first report

but i got stuck with the boring simulation

it keeps giving me an error and i have not even an idea how to solve it

and that was where it ended.. since last friday

hehe.. screw me.. i'm doomed!

report is due next 2 weeks

and i got test that very same weekend.. adoi la..

this masters thingy seriously drains all my energy..

cepat la habessss.. so that i can hang myself when i start my PhD.. 

sighhh...

  INITIAL CONDITIONS SUSPECT:

      I   DSTATE(I)    STATE(I)     MODEL   STATE     BUS# X-- NAME --X BASKV  ID

      1   -1.0653          3.0469          GENSAL   K           1                     1

     11  -0.65344E-01   1.4408      GENROE   K           3                     1

     39    1.5135       0.0000      HYGOV    K           1                     1

     41   -3.0269       2.3435      HYGOV    K+2         1                     1

hajar's wedding

"..selamat pengantin baru hajar & reza.."

one of my closest friends back in highschool tied the knot yesterday
and she looked stunningly gorgeous and beautiful in pink
anyway, babe.. i'm glad i made it to ur wedding yesterday
we might have lost touch for years
but i'm grateful that the friendship never fades..
i love u babe.. lets get pregnant same2.. :)