i am not that strong..

this has got nothing to do with an increased level of estrogen or any pregnancy related whatsoeva but honestly i can't look at this kinda picture without tears streaming down my face.. no joke!

i can look at disabled people on the street begging or kids without any feeling (sound so mean, ouch..!) but not warga emas.. a big no no..

it started way back when i was a first former in high school.. we had this kinda visit to the old folks home in seremban.. it was my first ever visit to such place (and the last.. huhu) and boy, i just kept crying almost all the time while i was there which was a pretty bad thing u see.. because these nenek/atuk dh mmg obviously sedih, stressed and what not and supposedly i (and the rest) were there to at least cheer them up and kept them companied but my presence just added to their misery.. dok menanges meleleh air mate mase salam and visit derg atas katil.. *omg, sumpah nanges igt balik those moment*

so, i told myself.. i am not being selfish but i can't let myself go through such thing again.. i mean, simply put.. i am not strong..! i cannot be there and pretend that i am happy tho deep down inside i really want to make them happy by at least making the suasana meriah.. because i know, they all miss their kids (yg kurang hajar pegi antar mak bapak ke rumah org tua) and the least we can do is to let them know that they are people that actually care for them.. but no, i won't do that.. all i can do is doa dari jauh because as i said, i am not strong enough to face them.. i am seriously not..

p/s: this will be the third raya without arwah wan around.. that means.. it's been 3 years plus wan had left us.. Al-fatihah.. semoga roh arwah wan di tempatkn di kalangan org yg beriman.. Amin..

kerisauan melampau..

i'll be officially 7 months pregnant come this monday which means i have less than 3 months to go.. bunyi mcm lame tp sbenarnye skejap ajo.. i can't even believe i am already this far tup2 dh nk enter the 3rd trimester..

btw, seperti biase i have nothing to do at the office.. (i don't have any specific task yet, cume assisting here and there, attend meeting and what not..) so today i spent half the day blog-hopping bace pasal BF which apparently the one thing that i seriously worry about.. as if, sangat2 risau to a point my friend pn dh bosan re-assuring me that things will be ok.. huhu..

anyway, i am soooo very very very very determined to fully breastfeed my baby at least for 2 years (seperti yg tertules dlm Quran, if i am not mistaken).. tp lagi lame lagi bagus.. and i have nothing against those who tk BF but i am afraid if they start giving bad comments.. or worse discourage me from BFing.. i've read a lot about this dlm blog pasal other people experience and this seriously scares the s**t outta me.. i am afraid i won't be as tough as they are.. huwaaaaaa..

pic googled

but lucky thing, i am gonna berpantang at my mom's house so i don't think it'll be much prob to BF cume i ain't sure how far my mom supports this.. but i've dropped hints that i want to fully BF and told mom many times about my plan on buying the breastpump etc just so she knows how determined and serious i am in this.. and i hope she will be my biggest supporter aside from hubster.. sbb i know, during the first 2 months la is the most crucial time for BFing mommy.. kalau dh terfail mase tu mmg chances to fail utk selame - lamenye mmg cerah.. huhu.. seriously la.. fikir pasal problem2 ni je dh cukup buat rase gluk2 ok.. sumpah la sangat risauuuuuu.. :((

pic googled

ya Allah, semoga Kau permudahkn segalanya.. amin..

btw, anyone knows where can i get monavie at a slightly cheaper price? :)

iWant..

Lencho

Baby Tama

<>

Ping

Poallu

Hada

www.thelilcaliph.com


i want.. i want.. i want..
but not for me..
for my baby..
cute giler kn? especially hada..

tibe-tibe..

..rase tknk pegi convo boleh tk? sbb macam tkde perasaan and mcm tk berape nk cukup bajet.. siape suruh buat 2 weeks after raye time2 org tgh miskin.. huhu..

..tapi macam nk gi jalan2 ke penang.. sbb nk mkn nasi kandar line clear, cendol yg famous tu and pasembor.. hmmmm..

..

..Can we pretend that airplanes

In the night sky

Are like shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now

wish right now..

The Company

after almost 4 months here, there are a number of things i admire so much about the company

i. the fact that everybody don't greet good morning to each other but give assalamualaikum instead..

honestly, i was surprised at the beginning because i have been working in 4 different places before and not even a single company practised that.. but here, it's a culture.. from the big boss down to the org keramaian.. even to the kakak cleaner..

ii. all the guys perform zohor and asar berjemaah at the balai islam.. zohor is ok la because it's during lunch hour.. but i just love seeing them beramai-ramai going out at 4.45pm upon hearing the azan asar.. wearing selipar and all that.. it is just mcm very calming.. i don't know.. :D

iii. they have arabic class during lunch hour! but since it's optional so i always find an excuse to not attend.. huhu.. and end up having my beauty sleep in my room.. ouchhh.. should improve on this.. but then, i hate arabic language since forever.. ok may be not.. since high school.. ever since i got an E for the pmr.. lucky i sat for it when i was in form 4 or else i could have ruined my pmr slip..

iv. they are planning to have all the ladies perform zohor prayer berjemaah as well during Ramadhan.. yay! :)

weekend yang lalu

i've been suffering from a severe backache these last few days and i am no longer able to lie flat on my back anymore.. the pain is just killing me
at the moment i have to surrender sleeping on my side which is very much uncomfortable
i did some research and of course it's completely normal especially for those entering the third semester
not to mention, the frequent cramps i get at night
but i was not complaining, not until yesterday when i decided to get a massage from this one makcik who happened to be a confinement lady as well
seriously, after the massage session which only lasted around 15 minutes
i woke up to a seriously painful back
i couldn't even lean against the kerusi this morning.. demmittttttt
but i guess i just have to bear the pain
remember idya.. giving birth is thousand times painful!

anyway, as mentioned in previous entry, we went for the 6-month check up last saturday and Alhamdulillah, li'l munchkin was in good sport
well, not really but at least dr. raja managed to confirm the gender
i was smiling all the way during the scanning process
not that i am unhappy if lil munchkin turns to be the opposite gender
either one pn i am more than happy as long as lil munchkin is healthy
but it's a bonus la kn because all the baju seems to be cuter in pink
don't u think so? :p
but i still give a little room for uncertainty as well because it happens so many times where the doctor said it's a girl but ended up yang keluar is a boy

went to janda baik on sunday..
PIL happened to have a friend who owns a nice wooden house there so they decided to go and spend a day away from the hustle and bustle of city life
well, it was indeed a serene place with green surrounding
and the house has a large verandah connected to a large pond
we can actually fish by just sitting on the verandah.. sangat nice and got a few gazebos around.. a really, really nice place to finish a novel or two but too bad, didn't bring any.. so i ended up sleeping during the afternoon
the river was just a few metres away at the back of the house so went there for a quick rendam session before going back to KL
and that was when the back pain started to attack me
arrived home at 8ish.. solat2 and off to lalaland straight away at 9pm..

so that was how i spent my weekend!
no rehat whatsoever for me again..
seriously looking forward to a good, quiet sunday this week~!

Updates

i. come monday, i'll be 25 weeks pregnant which means i have merely 15 weeks left before the due date.. and honestly i still didn't quite 'register' the fact that i am becoming a mommy eventhough li'l munchkin has been making quite an appearance lately by kicking me even more often than usual.. simply love the feeling but then at times a bit tiring (not that i am complaining) because she (well, not 100% confirmed yet) likes my bladder better than any other part, so i have to pay an extra visit to the toilet which in my case agak tidak menyenang kn because i don't really like my office toilet..

ii. tomorrow will be my 6-month check up.. sangat excited and i am hoping li'l munchkin will reveal her toooot because last time she was so shy she decided to just make a few seconds show.. and i am also hoping that she'll be less mobile so the doctor can capture her in 3D.. i have already bought the "my 1st year book" and i really tk sabar to start filling it in with her photos and everything.. :D

iii. i did mention in previous entry that i have started shopping for baby stuff even when i was just 4 months pregnant.. well, i guess i did make a good decision doing so.. why? simply because i have now lost almost ALL the desire to shop and lucky me, there are just a few more BIG things that need to be bought (and A LOT of small other things).. walking around in shopping malls kill my legs these days and i can do well only with crocs (seriously) and not with other shoes/selipar.. and shopping online doesn't give me much satisfaction anymore.. (sbb dh overdose kot! huhu..)

iv. i have finished reading ina may's guide to childbirth.. well, what can i say.. i think the book makes me feel 'extra' positive about vaginal birth and seriously i don't feel scared at all (at the moment la..) which is a bit scary la because the delivery process is indeed painful kn? tktau la.. maybe i should stop re-reading it kot because nnt cm psycho lak sbb my mind keep telling that tk saket langsung and what not.. and then come the moment, the opposite thing happen.. huhu..