i am not that strong..

this has got nothing to do with an increased level of estrogen or any pregnancy related whatsoeva but honestly i can't look at this kinda picture without tears streaming down my face.. no joke!

i can look at disabled people on the street begging or kids without any feeling (sound so mean, ouch..!) but not warga emas.. a big no no..

it started way back when i was a first former in high school.. we had this kinda visit to the old folks home in seremban.. it was my first ever visit to such place (and the last.. huhu) and boy, i just kept crying almost all the time while i was there which was a pretty bad thing u see.. because these nenek/atuk dh mmg obviously sedih, stressed and what not and supposedly i (and the rest) were there to at least cheer them up and kept them companied but my presence just added to their misery.. dok menanges meleleh air mate mase salam and visit derg atas katil.. *omg, sumpah nanges igt balik those moment*

so, i told myself.. i am not being selfish but i can't let myself go through such thing again.. i mean, simply put.. i am not strong..! i cannot be there and pretend that i am happy tho deep down inside i really want to make them happy by at least making the suasana meriah.. because i know, they all miss their kids (yg kurang hajar pegi antar mak bapak ke rumah org tua) and the least we can do is to let them know that they are people that actually care for them.. but no, i won't do that.. all i can do is doa dari jauh because as i said, i am not strong enough to face them.. i am seriously not..

p/s: this will be the third raya without arwah wan around.. that means.. it's been 3 years plus wan had left us.. Al-fatihah.. semoga roh arwah wan di tempatkn di kalangan org yg beriman.. Amin..